Anger, Frustration and a whole lot of Annoyance - The Epilogue

For a while there I thought my vacation blogging days were over. Boy, was I wrong. I seemed to have written this entire blog with a certain amount of optimism that my trip was going to end well and that in fact this was a "Disney Movie" outcome. . . oh how I wish that was true. Instead the great people at United Airlines decided that Booms and I didn't need our luggage. So now we get to play the guessing game. Is it still in Los Angeles? Perhaps it might be in Colorado Springs; better yet in Chicago. Let's just hope its not left in the sun somewhere, otherwise a certain somebody won't be receiving chocolates from the Hollywood store, hmmmm.

Yesterday we were beyond fuming. Our clothes, souvenirs, shoes and hygiene products were all in that suitcase. Someone will be receiving a very stern letter from this guy, that's for sure. Although I'm not sure what is worse, sitting at the gate until they refueled the mini truck and tows the plane onto the tarmac (true story) or this? Let's just agree that the entire ride home was horrible and I will not only be avoiding Chicago O' Hare like the plague, but United airlines as well. Loose my luggage, I'll show you **shakes fist profusely**

Day 7 - Farewell California

We decided that sleeping was over rated since we had a 7:30am flight the next day. This was a mistake. The idea of watching District 9 and playing rock band 2 until 2:15 in the morning should have stayed just that, an idea. Since we had to wake up at 5:15, 3 hours was the maximum I would be getting at this point. Good thing I heard my alarm and woke up. I tell ya, 5:15 comes early in California. We loaded up the car, drove to LAX and said our good byes.

Booms and I then were forced to play what I like to call "The waiting game". I despise the waiting game. We spent over 30 minutes just to get our ID's and our boarding passes checked. One would think you would have more then 2 people checking this information. If you thought this, you would be mistaken. We finally made it to our gate with a little time to spare. We were going home. This is it, no more California for at least a year. Anything more then that and I think the state would explode. It's just too much Booms and Brett at once.

I'll miss my friend Adam. I know I'll see him when he's in Michigan or when we go back out to see him, but still. He's a great host and nice guy. Even when tensions get high and people are on edge I know that he would still be there for his friends just like we would all be there for each other. Until next time California, until next time indeed.

Day 6 - Curse you Chelsea Handler!!!

The last time I came out to Cali I wasn't able to see the ocean. So this time it was on my "California Bucket List". But first, we had to see Chelsea Lately. We began by piling in the car and hoofing it down to the Burbank area of LA. We arrived at the studio only to see a line of people wrapped around the building. There were rumors that not everyone would get in. The funny thing is, everyone had a ticket. So my theory is this. The studio has about 40 seats and they booked 65 of them to ensure every seat is filled. Then they mess with you and say, "there is a good chance you will get in. But we aren't 100% sure. Please stand in this line in the sun for 2 hours and pray that the entertainment gods will let you in". Apparently I've been praying to the wrong God. The people in front of us were able to go in. We were not so lucky. Adam, Booms and I left with our heads held high and decided we didn't want to see her stupid show anyway. Of course we were choking back the tears of disappointment and sadness, but please don't tell our girlfriends.

On the bright side, this gave us more time at the beach. We continued to drive west until we literally drove into the ocean. Santa Monica Pier here we come! We parked on the street and made our way through the sand. We setup camp and relaxed while listening to a combination of songs that sound like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, thanks to Pandora Radio that is. It was nice to relax with the fellas and just chill. We took a walk down the beach and had some laughs especially at this kid who got hit by a wave and started screaming, "I've got sand on my inner thigh!" This of course was in a very shrill and ear piercing voice. This was our last night in Cali and we weren't going to waste it. One last task, mission, goal, achievement, whatever you want to call it, was left. A nice steak dinner with the guys.

It's amazing what you can find on google these days. While I'm looking for "Best Steak Houses in LA". Froggy decided to search for "Steak for under $20 in LA". We had a good laugh, because there aren't many places in Los Angeles where you can get a steak for that price. Was this restaurant in someones basement or perhaps out of the dumpster behind In and Out Burger. Sure enough it was a place called Taylor's. The outside wasn't too impressive, but the ambiance, decor and food itself made up for that. Bravo Froggy! You did us proud. I enjoyed a nice cut of prime rib, apparently 12oz means 16oz at that place, because my steak was HUGE! It was a nice close to a great trip.

Day 5 - I just can't F**king do it!

Today is the day Booms and I see Craig Ferguson. A crass and crude Scottish gentleman that is the host of the Late Late Show on CBS. Our good friend Adam drove us from his work to the CBS lot so that we could gain the life achievement of seeing Craig live. We stood in line of what looked like 39 people. Which some how transformed to 58 people in a matter of minutes. It seems that Alabama donated some of it's upper class citizens to California for the week. I'm shocked the one guy wasn't wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. They were loud, obnoxious and worst of all cut in front of us! This will not do, no not one bit. Our hick jokes and stories about how pushing them into the busy traffic of LA would be justice served for this fine city helped us pass the time away.

We finally made it to Craig. We sat through a speech from the Audience Coordinator as well from the warm up guy, Chunky B. Which i might add, was hilarious. I laughed more at this show then I did for Conen. By the way, Conen is the god of late night comedy. Craig and even his warm up guy, gave him a run for his money. Apparently the white bunny from Northern England was receiving complaints for cussing too much on the air. So he and Craig came on and apologized for their behavior. Then 5 seconds later stated they, "couldn't f**king do it". I about died laughed. I was actually shocked when I watched the show because they dropped around 25 F bombs. To eaches own, it's a comedy show and it made me laugh. Thank God I have a sense of humor.

After my mouth and stomach hurting from laughing so much from watching Craig, Adam drove down Wilshire and picked me and Booms up and took us back to the Cleveland Show. We were able to get a tour of his new cubicle since he's been promoted to Storyboard Assistant. Congrats Adam! And because we have such an awesome friend we were able to see a few anamatics as well as episode 201 (season 2 episode 1) of the Cleveland Show. It was great! That show is so funny. All I can say is "***'** *** ** *** ** *** **** ** ***". Ha ha ha, oh Tim the bear you are priceless. (Sorry because of strict a confidentiality agreement I can not display the actual quote.)

We decided to hit up CPK later that night to round off our day of awesomeness. We ran into a few speed bumps including the kitchen closing soon, Adam's wine spilling over and no one knowing what they want to eat. The evening was closed off with me going on yet another mini shopping spree for family. I love it how gifts for family ends up costing me more then gifts for me. Tomorrow's mission - Chelsea Lately Show.

Day 4 - Tommy's, the Mission and the Theme Park

Booms and I decided to go to Universal Studios, Hollywood. Since neither of us had ever been to this one. The math for admitance didn't add up in my head though. $69 for a day pass, $69 online for a week pass, and $79 for a year pass. I would love to spend only $10 more and visit here all the time, but I feel the cost of the plane ticket wouldn't be able to justify it for me. We both bit the bullet and paid the $69 for the day. It certainly was a blast. Numerous things and shows to do. The best part of the day th "Line Ride" wasn't operating. The most we waited for a ride or show was 15 minutes (Jurassic Park and the Simpsons Ride). Without sounding like a 5 year old there isn't much I can tell you about the park. Below is a list of rides and attractions we saw:

· Shrek 4-D (pretty funny)

· Jurassic Park the Ride (it's like Thunder Canyon meets Snake River Falls meets anamatronic dinosaurs)

· The Simpsons Ride (best ride there)

· Terminator 2 3-D (Also a fun show)

· Waterworld (Lots of special effects, fire stunts and of course water)

· Hollywood Back Lot Tour (a 45 minute tour of sets and scenes used in movies)

· House of Horrors (I misread this and thought I was going to see my ex girlfriends pop up - I'll give you a second to catch the joke)

· Blues Brothers (alright we were eating lunch right next to it and heard the whole show, I'm counting this)

Of course our day wouldn't have been complete without a photo op with Bart and Lisa Simpson. That's two more celebraties I can add to my list, done and done. It seems my gambling addiction carried over in the form of a shopping addiction. I went nuts in the Kwiki Mart. So much Simpsons crap that I don't need, but felt I had to have :)

We made our way back to the subway and went home. We had to mentally prepare for our hike to Mount Cahuenga. Adam was already home from work and was ready for the four of us to Hike to the top. Four men with a plan and a mission. To counquor that mountain. We hopped in the Jeep and had Vicki guide us once again. We parked in a near by neighborhood and began our ascent.

I'm going to pause for a minute to tell you that I don't care how old you are, it is possible to look somewhat decent with a shirt off and be out of shape. The is me in a nutshell. It took us about 30 minutes to climb up that mountain, by the time we reached the top I was about dead. But in the end, it really was worth the climb. From that point you had a 360 degree view of Los Angeles. Everything from the back of the Hollywood sign to the Warner Bros. water tower to the streets of Beverly Hills. It was truly amazing.

There is also another unique item on top of the mountain. A single standing tree. Two years ago there was a fire that raged through Los Angeles. It wiped out everything in its' path, except for this single tall tree. People used to write messages and leave them at the base of the tree. Everything from "Good view. Good Sex" to more personal notes; as if that isn't personal enough.

Well of course it only takes one ass hole to ruin something great. Someone decided it was a "great" idea to burn all of those notes. They are all gone. Luckily there was a man, a man we've come to know as Froggy. He was working on a documentary about this tree and was able to read every since note into the camera. This is before the douche bags of the area decided to have a bon fire with peoples memories, wishes and dreams. Froggy spent a few weeks retyping every single note and made it into a book with an introduction.

I told you before we had a mission, it wasn't just to climb the mountain. It was also to deliver that book so that future generations could write in it and leave behind how the mountain, the view, california, and life made them feel. Thoughts that could and would be left for future climbers of the elite club to read and cherish. We took turns writing our own messages in there. We laughed a little bit, listened to some 30 seconds to Mars (it's the only non-poppy crap I had on my iTouch okay?!) and descended down the hill. We noticed that the hill was becoming a giant trash can, much like the streets of LA. So Froggy, Adam, Booms and I (honestly more so them) collected the trash and put in their bags.

We made it to the car in one piece. Well Booms kind of ate it on the way down and scrapped his elbow, other then that we escaped unskathed. Would our next destination be some other heroic deed to acomplish or a rescue mission in the gulf, no, after Mount Cahuenga was a trip to . . . Tommy's! One of Los Angeles' little treasures. Of course I am very boring when it comes to food and I am the first to admit that. I enjoyed my regular hamburger with ketchup only and my diet coke while the other guys chowed down on their chili burgers. Thank God they decided against ordering an angioplasty.

Day 3 - Bye Bye Winnings

We awoke around 10am, even though we fought it as much as we could. We packed up our things and loaded them into the car. Our mission today . . . more poolside tanning. Upon entering the pool we learned a valuable lesson. Good looking people only go to the pool on Saturday between the hours of noon and four. Sunday morning around 11 is reserved for retired folk and Brazilian men that wear speed-o's and travel alone. I don't think I need to explain why he was travelling alone. The DJ showed up and attempted to play music that would put people in the party mood. Unfortunately $34 for a bucket (6) of Land Sharks quickly killed that mood. Looks like it would be a day of sobriety. Oh boy oh boy.

To avoid any sort of dehydration or heat stroke we decided to make our way to Old Vegas. We found a nice place and had some breakfast / lunch, also known as brunch I suppose. Then it was off to one last gambling hurrah. I was on a mission, a mission to win my winnings back. BIG MISTAKE! Adam being the good friend that he is wanted to show us the magical world of Craps. But my luck ran out on this trip and we had a terrible thrower and I lost $20 within 10 minutes. Let's guess the next thought that went through Brett's head. I know . . . go win it back at the Roulette table! DOH!

It started off good. I managed to turn $15 into $45. And again, say it with me folks "I should have walked away." HAHAHA, oh if only this was a Disney movie. Then again if it was I would be seeing Tim Allen and Emilo Estevas a lot more often. What's that you ask? Oh you know it's true, lost it! HA. This would be the first time gambling ever, that I lost money. Oh well, in the end it was only $50. I brought $100 with me, so no harm no foul.

We left the casinos, loaded into the car and headed back to Los Angeles. The ride home was pretty uneventful. Mostly watching You Tube videos of Axe Cop and Big Bill Hell. We made it to back to Cali without many problems, just that pesky fruit and vegetable check, hmmmmmm.

Day 2 - "No dude, we are having a great time. We don't need you't $h!t"

What sort of vacation wouldn't be complete without waking up early yet again. 7:30 comes way to early for anyone, especially me. We packed our bags and headed out the door; Vegas was in for a surprise. Adam, Beth, Booms and myself piled into the tan Jeep Cherokee parked out front. We were all stoked for our road trip. Quotes from the" Cleveland Show" and the "Hangover" were being rambled throughout the entire trip. Not to mention various other quotes from random friends, TV shows and movies. You can only look out the window for so long on trips like these. Nothing but desert and emptiness.

This was the view for about 3 hours. Every once in a while we would see the random group of dune buggy rides or caravan of jeeps. One time Adam said he saw water; I'm still stating it was an RC Cola machine. Silly mirages.

The driving continued until we saw. . . more desert. This trip was getting old at this point. Our only saving grace was the unlimited hours of music we had on 3 different iPod's. Without it, we would been driven to the brink of insanity of boredom.

After 1 fill up for gas, 2 bathroom breaks, 270 miles and 4.5 hours We made it. we finally arrived to sin city, the city that never sleep . . . Las Vegas. This time we chose to stay at the Flamingo Hotel. Which literally looks like they plastered the walls with flamingo remains. PINK EVERYWHERE!

Anyway, while Adam and Beth were checking in, Booms and I decided to explore our surroundings. I just so happened to get bit by the gambling bug and decided to play a couple of slots. Already down a $1, damn. Oh well, on to the Roulette table. I placed a couple of bets and ended up getting down to my last $5 chip. Luckily I was able to win back what I lost and broke even. So far down $1 total for the trip, not a bad way to start off.

To save money we decided to share a room. Four friends crammed into a "Deluxe Suite". Ya. . . right. As soon as we settled in we decided it would be a grand idea to all do a shot of Marker's Mark. For those of you that know me, I hate shots :) and for good reason. We toasted to having the best friends the world has to offer as well as a great time in Vegas. We then made our way down to the pool.

We had two paths, 21 and over and the public area. Since the 21 and over pool was $15 to get in we chose the road less costly. It turns out the public area was having a Land Shark party. $25 for a bucket (5) of Land Shark Beer. Let me tell you, heavenly. We took turn buying buckets and achieved our goal of poolside drunkenness. After laying outside, listening to music, swimming in the pool, jumping under the waterfall and down right Tom foolery, we decided to change and eat lunch /dinner.

As we have become accustomed to, we found a semi-inexpensive buffet located inside the Eiffel Tower. One thing to consider though before trying such a place, most of the food inside . . . is french. Now this wasn't a problem for me, because I was three sheets to the wind already. Nothing like walking around with several plates of food while enjoying a fantastic Land Shark induced buzz. I'm pretty sure I had the prime rib (which was rather salty, I remember that) and pulled chicken thigh. We ate until we were stuffed, and at $27 per person, we better have.

I decided the smart thing for me to do was to take a nap and sober up before heading out on the town. Silly me, I thought playing the slot machines while in an inebriated state was a good idea. Oh how wrong I was. Luckily only $5 managed to find its' way to the Vegas gods. After about 10 minutes of pulling on the One Armed Bandit, I some how managed to find my way to the room and passed out while watching reruns of King of Queens. That Doug and Carrie, when will they learn. I awoke about 3 hours later to find my fellow travelers back in the room waiting for me to awake from my drunken slumber. We then cleaned up and put on our Sunday Best. Or as I like to call it, our "Damn you guys look good" clothes.

We wandered over to Caesars to check out the Craps table, sure enough $25 minimum bet. Now I don't know about you, but I like to at least attempt to enjoy throwing my money away. This of course can not be done if you bet a quarter of your gambling allowance on the pass line. We continued to walk around and made our way back to our own hotel, the Flamingo. It was here that Booms and Adam began playing Black Jack (Beth decided to stay in the room). I, myself, went back to the Roulette table to try to hustle the Casino out of Millions of dollars. And then I woke up and told myself, this isn't Ocean's 11, 12, 13, the Hang Over, or Rain Man. I managed to double my initial investment. It was at that point I should have walked. But honestly, doesn't anyone really listen to the little angel on the shoulder when gambling. The highest point of the night - $97. It was then I should have walked, but no. Not me, I got greedy and the dealer got cold. So I decided to walk at $75. It's okay, I'm still up $34 for the day. Not to bad, at least my hotel room would be covered.

We moved over to another casino to look for cheaper Black Jack hands. I agree $10 per hand is a little pricey when your gambling budget is only $100. Of course the cheap tables were full at O' Sheas. We stepped outside to decided what to do next. Apparently our luck ran out, because we were then being harassed by a short ill dressed Korean fellow. Now normally when you walk down the strip people try to get you to get a hooker, go to a strip club and or go to a club. Once you tell them no thanks, they leave you alone. Not this douche bag. He decides it's a good idea to try to convince us to go to a club. REPEATEDLY and then continued to mock our choice of gambling and as he put it "leaning against a pole". I walked away with my middle finger in the up position. I felt I had to tell him he was number 1 in my book.

We decided to keep walking and see what else was on the strip. We walked through Imperial Palace and one other one, who's name escapes me at the moment. After about 45 minutes of walking and looking for something to do, exciting I know, we came to the conclusion that the Flamingo was our best bet. Then again we would have to walk past the Asian troll to complete our quest. Sure enough the Frodo sized Jackie Chan look-a-like was standing there hassling us again. This time we had a plan, sort of. We had a couple of options:

· Push said Asian into Traffic and have a Taxi take him out (we didn't really want a "Hangover Experience" so that idea was scrapped)

· Just walk to the other side of the street (I wonder why we didn't choose this option)

· Heckle him back and give him a hard time (ding ding ding)

Adam then decides to open his mouth and tell him, "Dude, you already told us about the club, and we told you no... Ya man we are having a great time... Yes, walking up and down the strip is more fun then your Sh*ty club.... We don't need your Sh*t" Ha, we sure showed him. I'm sure he's used to it by now, but we didn't care. We stood up for ourselves and felt we had to defend the fact that walking down the strip was more fun then a club. Or perhaps it was because 66% of us had girl friends and we weren't about to go without them. That could be it to.

We made it back to the Flamingo and stumbled upon a glorious place, Burger Joint. A burger restaurant that is open at 3am; what a country! Not the cheapest burgers, but yet again this is Vegas. They were decent enough. After a few conversations about UFC being a bunch of dudes having sweaty man sex and interrogating the server as to why her name is Jennica (we decided her parents couldn't decided between Jennifer and Jessica) the three of us parted ways again. Adam and Booms went back to the room, I mean it was 4am after all, and I found my way back to the Roulette table. If you couldn't tell by now I like Roulette. Unlike my last dealer that enjoyed hitting back to back zeros (thank you so much Chandler) this dealer was very inconsistent and appeared to barely have enough strength to spin the Roulette wheel. Sadly she cleaned me out. By the end of the night I was down all of my winnings :( So I was back to even. With a frown on my face I went back to to the room and tried to get some sleep. On the bright side, no pun intended, I was able to watch a Vegas sunrise. God bless gambling until 5:45am.